The Public Opinion Soapbox

Pink Elephant in the Room · Joined: 09 May 2008 Posts: 113 Location: in the corner

IF YOU'RE AS OLD AS I AM - THIS IS A RIOT!

The $2 Bill. Everyone should start carrying them! I am STILL laughing!! I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public. The younger generation doesn't know they exist.

STORY:
On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: 'Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go '

Server: 'That'll be $1.04. Eat in?'

Me: 'No, it's to go.' At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server: 'Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back.' He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: 'Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?'

Manager: 'No. A what?'

Server: 'A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me.'

Manager: 'Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill.'

Server: 'Yeah, thought so.' He comes back to me and says, 'We don't take these. Do you have anything else?'

Me: 'Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?'

Server: 'I don't know.'

Me: 'See here where it says legal tender?'

Server: 'Yeah.'

Me: 'So, why won't you take it?'

Server: 'Well, hang on a sec.' He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, 'He says I have to take it.'

Manager: 'Doesn't he have anything else?'

Server: 'Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change '

Manager: 'I'm not opening the safe with him in here.'

Server: 'What should I do?'

Manag er: 'Tell him to come back later when he has real money.'

Server: 'I can't tell him that! You tell him.'

Manager: 'Just tell him.'

Server: 'No way! This is weird. I'm going in back.'

The manager approaches me and says, 'I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night.'

Me: 'It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill.'

Manager: 'We don't take those, either.' Me: 'Why not ?'

Manager: 'I think you know why.'

Me: 'No really, tell me why'

Manager: 'Please leave before I call mall security.'

Me: 'What on earth for?'

Manager: 'Please, sir.'

Me: 'Uh, go ahead, call them.'

Manager: 'Would you please just leave?'

Me: 'No.'

Manager: 'Fine -- have it your way then.'

Me: 'Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?'

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.

Guard: 'Yeah , Mike, what's up?'

Manager (whispering): 'This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.'

Guard: 'No kidding! What?'

Manager: 'Get this .. A two dollar bill.'

Guard (incredulous): 'Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?'

Manager: 'I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.'

Guard: 'Oh, so the fifty's fake!'

Manager: 'No, the two dollar bill is.'

Guard: 'Why would he fake a two dollar bill?'

Manager: 'I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?'

Guard: 'Yeah.'

Security Guard walks over to me and...... 'Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use.'

Me: 'Uh, no.'

Guard: 'Lemme see 'em.'

Me: 'Why?'

Guard: 'Do you want me to get the cops in here?'

At this point I am ready to say, 'Sure, please!' but I want to eat, so I say 'I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill.'

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says, 'Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?'

Manager: 'It's fake.'

Guard: 'It doesn't look fake to me.'

Manager: 'But it's a two dollar bill.'

Guard: 'Yeah?'

Manager: 'Well, there's no such thing, is there?'

The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.

Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too

OMG !!!! Just think.. .those two will be voting soon...................................

Pink Elephant in the Room · Joined: 09 May 2008 Posts: 113 Location: in the corner

During these serious times people of all faiths should remember these 4 religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.

cookieclaygirl · Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 1798 Location: shippensburg

roflmao!

haha!

i have quite a few 2$ bills...i love to collect coins and yes $2 bills.....

funny stuffs, funny stuffs!!! lol.....

Mister Me · Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 212

0.5996 > 1377 hz

Cablegirl · Joined: 02 Jul 2008 Posts: 5

This Department of Water Resources Representative stops at a Texas
ranch and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, I need to
inspect your ranch for your water allocation.

The old rancher says, Okay, but don't go in that field over there.

The Water Representative says, Mister, I have the authority of the
Federal Government with me.. See this card? This card means I am
allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions
asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand??

The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.

Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the Water Rep running
for his life and close behind is the rancher's huge Brahman bull. The
bull is gaining with every step.

The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately throws down
his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

'YOUR CARD, SHOW HIM YOUR CARD!!!

cookieclaygirl · Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 1798 Location: shippensburg

This bear walks into a bar. Then he sits down and orders a beer.

The bartender, amazed that this bear can actually talk, gives him a beer.

The bear says, "What do I owe you?"

The bartender stops and thinks for a moment.

"Even though this bear is smart," thinks the bartender, "he probably hasn’t been in many bars."

So the bartender says, "That'll be ten dollars."

The bear forks over the money and starts drinking his beer.

After a few minutes, the bartender can't restrain his curiosity, so he walks back over to the bear and tries to strike up a conversation.

"You know, we don't get many bears in this bar."

The bear looks up from his beer and says, "Well, at ten bucks a beer, I'm not surprised."

AnonyMouse · Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 405

This is an oldie, but has always been one of my favorites:

A very self-important young man goes out and buys what he believes is the best car available: a Porsche 911 Turbo. It is one of the fastest and most expensive cars in the world.

That night, he takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops at a red light. An old man on a mo-ped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"

The young man replies, "A Porsche 911 Turbo. It cost me $140,000."

"That's a lot of money," replies the old man. "Why do they cost so much?"

"Because this car can go from 0 to 60 in 3.4 seconds and has a top speed of 195 miles an hour!" states the young man proudly.

The mo-ped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"

"Sure," replies the owner.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his mo-ped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"

Just then the light changes, so the young guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and in less than 6 seconds the speedometer reads 120 MPH. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror that seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!

"What on earth could be going faster than my Porsche 911 Turbo?" the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And, it looked like the old man on the mo-ped!

"Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a mo-ped outrun a Porsche 911 Turbo?"

Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh-BLAMMM! It plows into the back of his car. The young man jumps out. It is the old man! Of course, the mo-ped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man groans and replies, "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror, please."

Carol2 · Joined: 22 Jul 2008 Posts: 20

Our New Grocery Store
Grocery Shopping - A new supermarket opened near my house.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it
goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with
onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air
is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread &
cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more

cookieclaygirl · Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 1798 Location: shippensburg

LOL!!!!!

Mister Me · Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 212

How many hypocrites does it take to ruin a soapbpx thread?

Apparently only a few.

Coppy · Joined: 28 Oct 2007 Posts: 2265 Location: Chambersburg

Wow, that reminds me of one of my old favorites...

There's this mushroom who walks into a bar one night. All he wants is one beer. So he goes up to the bar, hops up on the stool and asks the bartender for a beer.

Bartender: Sorry mister, can't give it to ya. Mushroom: C'mon, just one beer..please? Bartender: Nope, can't do it.

The mushroom looks around and says again, C'mon, just..just one beer and then I'll leave you alone. Bartender: Look, for the last time...I'm not serving you the damn beer!

Finally the mushroom says to the bartender, Hey, c'mon man...I'm a Fun-gi!

Carol2 · Joined: 22 Jul 2008 Posts: 20

Vedil worshipper

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa.
_________________
"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves."

Lane Kirkland

Carol2 · Joined: 22 Jul 2008 Posts: 20

I'M SO FREAKIN' MAD!!!

I GOT ARRESTED TODAY FOR POSSESSION OF OVER THE LEGAL LIMITS OF GOOD LOOKS. THEY'RE HOLDING ME AT THE STATION, SAYING THAT ONLY A SEXY PERSON CAN BAIL ME OUT.

SO...
Are you coming ?
OR WHAT ?!?
_________________
"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves."

Lane Kirkland

.45chel · Joined: 26 Oct 2007 Posts: 2751 Location: Chambersburg

Where ya at Carol? I'll send Hubby!
_________________
I demand euphoria!

Torgo · Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 12:46 pm Post subject:

Q: What's Irish and stays out all night?

A: Paddy O'Furniture.
_________________
"The Master would not approve..."