The Public Opinion Soapbox

.45chel · Joined: 26 Oct 2007 Posts: 3043 Location: Chambersburg

I was going to post this yesterday, but Mom4 put me in such a good mood by showing such care that I didn't want to spoil it by getting ticked off all over again. A similar situation was discussed before (other people's kids and rude behavior) but I would still like some advice.

What is the best way to handle the following situation?

Some months ago, the boy received a haircut (not the best style, but it was a necessity (see post for explanation.) Apparently, it did not go over well with one of his team mates because when the other boy saw it he said, "What are you a f@ggot?" and proceeded to punch him the stomach, knock him down and kick him a few times. (I just found out about this, though it happened several weeks ago.) Since then, other team members have taunted 'the boy', called him f@ggot, pushed him and rooted for him to get hit 'in the nuts'.

I found out about it by overhearing the sounds of juvenile arguing and then heard my son yell, "Stop being mean to me!" repeatedly. I walked over to the enclosure and saw that the coach and a few assistant coaches were inside with the boys, so I assumed the issue was being handled.
(Big Mistake BTW)

My son comes out of the enclosure, exclaims that everyone is mean to him and that he will never play this sport again. I tell him to settle down so I can understand what he is saying and we can talk about it. Which is when I found out about everything that had been happening.

To say I was p*ssed off would be an understatement!
Turns out that 2 of the main offenders' dads are associated with the team have witnessed the events and one of them was in the enclosure when this latest incident was going on!

Hubby told 'the boy' that if anyone puts hand on him again to punch them in the face, I disagree because 1) the skull is pretty hard and hitting it is an easy way to break a hand 2) 'the boy' is scrawny and pretty small for his age, the bullies are big for their age and developed enough to be the 'best' players on the team. I don't want the boy pummeled, that isn't going to help his reputation any.

I wanted to chew the dads that were involved out, but have been told that it will only make the situation worse.

For the record, I know that my child doesn't have any social skills. He has problems paying attention, which doesn't make him a very good sportsman. Like most kids, he can be irritating and he's kinda dorky (which his fine with me, but doesn't help him get along with others.)
We were told that sports and other group activities would help him with his social skills and I informed the coach, like I do with every adult in 'authority' about his issues and how he isn't at all skilled with most sports.

He was so excited about this and now it's become another torture. I'm surprised he ever wants to leave the house anymore.

This just sucks.

mymouth · Joined: 27 Mar 2008 Posts: 31 Location: C-burg

Really p*sse's me off that adults act no better than kids. And no wonder some kids are bullies.

I don't know what to tell you I feel bad that he has to go through this. But I do know I would be talking to the so called adults in this situation and teach them about children that have some special needs.

I dont' know if an apology from the adults and the adults making the kids apologize and making the kids and adults see that they are wrong would help your son.

Is there something else he can get into that isn't such large groups Like golf or tennis Horseback riding ( horseback riding really helped my son)

.45chel · Joined: 26 Oct 2007 Posts: 3043 Location: Chambersburg

I am really hoping to get him into some horseback riding. I really great program was recommended to me. (Thank you ONEWHOKNOWS!!! Very Happy

) But then all my pm were deleted through headspace error

I bookmarked the link, I just have to find it...

BTW I was meaning to reply to your post about OCD. (in case you haven't noticed, I'm a little forgetful) It's currently a rule out option...he showing traits, but not textbook so that particular thing is a wait and see.

Sure things are mood disorder, combined type ADHD, trichotillomania without the eating (as far as we know) oh and being a goofy boy disorder! (There has to be treatment for that, right?!) Laughing

edited to add: Above, I said my child has a primary diagnosis of mood disorder (well, three dianosises) While technically accurate, it's not really being honest. They think my son is bipolar.
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Nevermind.

.45chel · Joined: 26 Oct 2007 Posts: 3043 Location: Chambersburg

Not a vent, just a heads up.

It sounds like fun to me and all the children will basically be on the same footing (meaning: very few know what they're doing)

Chambersburg Turtleheads
Youth Rugby

mymouth · Joined: 27 Mar 2008 Posts: 31 Location: C-burg

thats Great!!

Let us know how he likes it!

I am glad for you!

mom4 · Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 33 Location: Chambersburg

Chel, it's a good thing you didn't mention the name of the team that was involved in this situation, coz you might have found me down there getting in someone's face.
I would suggest going to the board of the organization. Those coaches don't sound like positive role models to me. And, if presented with facts about the coaches behavior, they might be banned from future participation with the organization. I've had it done.

Now what do I do? My blood pressure just went sky high reading about your child's misadventures...I don't think there is anything that makes me angrier than adults acting like children!! Is it any wonder so many kids have no conscience?

.45chel · Joined: 26 Oct 2007 Posts: 3043 Location: Chambersburg

Oh no!
I don't want your blood pressure high!

The rugrat is playing rugby now and it's a much more positive atmosphere. So, far it's all about learning and loving the game!

His medications were causing extreme sleepiness, so they were changed today. Hopefully he'll get active again.

He's exhausting when he's hyperactive, but it's just weird when all he wants to do is sleep.

There has to be a nice, balanced center somewhere, right? Where manners are natural, chores aren't a problem, academics are a joy and talking back is unthinkable...that exists, right? Razz

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Nevermind.

.45chel · Joined: 26 Oct 2007 Posts: 3043 Location: Chambersburg

My son's hair started to grow back. (Yay!)

We made an appointment with a hairstylist for him, to give him more confidence and help disguise the bald spot.

Saturday morning he cut the front of his hair off.

Yeah, I was angry and upset and confused, but I got over it...ok, that isn't exactly right...I calmed down.

We talked about it and we moved on.

Well, I thought we moved on.

About an hour ago, he got up to go to the bathroom and came out with more hair missing!!!

Mad

WTFudge!!

I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what to do.

I guess I should be happy he didn't pull the hair out
I don't know what's going on

I just know I want a stiff drink and a pack of smokes.

This is my effort at honesty in parenthood, now if you'll excuse me I'm going to cry in frustration.

Jo · Joined: 10 Dec 2007 Posts: 112 Location: Chambersburg

Crying helps. Honest...

I hope things have improved since the 24th.

How is the school year starting out?
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Me thinks that the moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow. ~ Henry David Thoreau on hiking

.45chel · Joined: 26 Oct 2007 Posts: 3043 Location: Chambersburg

Crying definitely relieves pressure and sometimes it seems like pressure is all I have.

At the end of the second day of school, I am optimistic. Very Happy

We met his teacher about a month ago and she seems quite capable and the boy met his TSS today and the lines of communication are wide open, his attitude is pleasant... Of course, I've been letting him make his own lunches (not exactly nutritious, but he says they're delicious) Rolling Eyes

and I've let him slack on some of his chores until he gets settled....so he hasn't had any reason to be unhappy.

We're on a waiting list for a new psychiatrist (a LONG list!) and we need to find another therapist for him since his current will not be covered by H's new insurance, so hopefully we can maintain until then.
We always seem to make do, even when I don't think we can.

How is yours doing? Is school working out okay?

Jo · Joined: 10 Dec 2007 Posts: 112 Location: Chambersburg

Sounds like things are positive for you so far.

Same here...other than dragging him kicking and screaming to the bus, arguing over homework, complaining about school lunch (he is packing after only 1 day of school lunch)...it's a real gem. I just love the 'tweens' - can't wait for the surly teen years - NOT!
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Me thinks that the moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow. ~ Henry David Thoreau on hiking

.45chel · Joined: 26 Oct 2007 Posts: 3043 Location: Chambersburg

Oh the joy is over for me too --- I jinxed it by talking about it, I think.

The boy loves school, he started a back to school countdown end of June...doesn't mean he behaves himself or does what he is supposed to, mind you, but we don't have to fight to get him to go.

And since this is his first time doing the 'bus thing' he loves that too.
I'm not 'allowed' outside until after his bus is gone though. Laughing

He started getting whiney again last night, but I told him if he didn't shape up I was going to visit him at school and give him kissies in front of everyone. I also threaten to dress all crazy and start dancing in front of his classmates, too!
Usually, after a few high-pitched squeals of protest, those two seem to work, in regards to behavior modification. Wink

He'll be 12 this year, currently he says he's a pre-pre-teen. Rolling Eyes

I dunno if he'll make it through his teenage years!
(I'm already terrified!)
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Pink Elephant in the Room · Joined: 09 May 2008 Posts: 162 Location: in the corner

Or, you could have a bratty 30-year-old like mine, who lives across the U.S..

He is married to a woman much older than he. She has one daughter who just turned 14 and they have a 5-year old daughter together.

I'm not allowed to call.

They don't send me pictures, mail, e-mail, or any other types of communication. In fact, I've never even seen (in person) our own granddaughter!

I send gifts, cards, money, and letters. I've not once received any acknowledgement of them receiving anything. (I started to send them things "registered" and "Addressee Only" just to make sure that the packages were actually being received.) If I send checks, I only know they got them when the checks clear. I've stopped sending them money, however.

My D-I-L actually once e-mailed me and wanted to borrow money from us. She wanted $1500 within 7 days. If I could get her that money within that time alloted, she would try to talk my son into contacting me. If I couldn't give them the money, she would tell him to never contact us again.

Guess who was in the hospital when that e-mail came in? I didn't even get that lovely piece until 10 days after she sent it. The next letter she sent said something like "Are you ever going to respond? You have 3 days."

I don't know about anyone else, but we didn't have $1500 just gathering up dust, laying around the floor at our house. So I e-mailed her back and told her that I was sorry that I couldn't help them out at that time.

She fired back that I was lying! I own a house, therefore I have tons of money floating around! Yeah, right. I guess she didn't believe me because we haven't heard anything from them since JANUARY!

I still send them cards, letters, presents and love. But, we get nothing in return. Maybe someday.

Carol2 · Joined: 22 Jul 2008 Posts: 46

Pink, that was a very sad story. There is no way that I can see how God will turn that around and bring love and understanding back to that very painful situation. But I know God's Love and understanding is bigger then our world, and God can and will bring an understanding love to you and your loved ones.
Peace
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"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves."

Lane Kirkland

.45chel · Joined: 26 Oct 2007 Posts: 3043 Location: Chambersburg

Stories such as yours, Pink, make me wish I had more children...someone once told me that when you have just one it is like putting all your eggs in one basket!
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Nevermind.