The Public Opinion Soapbox

Doctor Kird Ape · Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2008 11:31 pm Post subject: Superman is a murderer.

I am not a physicist. I do know that if the planet was slowed down and spun in the opposite direction, time would reverse. (In the land of Kryptonian imagination that is). No, what dear ol' Kal-el did in the Richard Donner Superman was something akin to the realities the young Hollowood celebutarts live in.
For anyone unaware, Lex Luthor nuked a fault line. Lois Lane drove her car into a ditch. Then dirt slowly filled it until she died. Then Superman finds the car and cries like the time Clark Kent interviewed Hannibul Lechter. So he flies up into the sky to be confronted by Marlon Brando. It is bad when Brando tries talking sense into you, but after all Superman is an alien. So he ignores Kurtz and flies around the Earth really fast.
This is when his psychotic break occurs. In his alien mind, Superman sees time flow backwards and everything is made right as rain.
I cannot imagine the catastrophic damage that would occur if that happened, but I bet most of humanity would be wiped out.

Now to the truth:
Superman II - A group of Kryptonian Astronauts arrive on Earth's moon, searching for a new home. They use their new found powers to see the Earth. Almost everyone is dead. They try to reason with Kal El, but he kills them in his Fortress of Fortitude. Poor General Zod, he was the first Kryptonian to set foot on Seti-Alpha 5.

Superman III - A pocket of surviving humans try to build a super computer to kill Superman for wiping out humanity. Robert Vaughn cannot help.

Superman IV- I am not going to dignify this with an explanation. It is the dream of a madman. (I am not referring to my take on it, the movie is disturbingly bad.)

Superman Returns - This should have been about how humanity was terrified of his coming back. The title sounds like it should feature Leatherface. (Who was killed while making ribs, when the Big Boyscout rotated the planet backwards, by the way)

Am I the only one that has realized this?
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The Anti-Life Equation= Loneliness + Alienation + Fear + Despair + Self-worth / Mockery / Condemnation / Misunderstanding x Guiltx Shame x Failure x Judgment; N=Y Where Y=Hope and N=Folly, Love = Lies, Life = Death, Self = Dark Side

Torgo · Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2008 11:45 pm Post subject:

I like your style, Dude...
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"The Master would not approve..."

Torgo · Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2008 11:46 pm Post subject:

And everyone knows, Superman is a punk anyway.

"I am the Bat..."
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"The Master would not approve..."

Mixolydian · Joined: 13 Oct 2007 Posts: 32 Location: Chambersburg

.45chel · Joined: 26 Oct 2007 Posts: 3068 Location: Chambersburg

nods
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Nevermind.

Doctor Kird Ape · Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 12:36 am Post subject:

I think I need to continue this rant.

Superman can see through things and has telescopic vision. Yet he saves cats from trees, isn't that sweet. Except when you consider that I am sure countless crimes are occurring all over town.

I ask why?

Theory: As a child he was slowly absorbing yellow solar radiation. Just enough to say "break" a kitten.

Also why is always punching everything. If I could shoot heat beams from my eyes, I would not be punching everything. I can rationalize this though. He is not from Earth. He probably eats the screw caps off of the sides of toilets or something for sustenance.
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The Anti-Life Equation= Loneliness + Alienation + Fear + Despair + Self-worth / Mockery / Condemnation / Misunderstanding x Guiltx Shame x Failure x Judgment; N=Y Where Y=Hope and N=Folly, Love = Lies, Life = Death, Self = Dark Side

Torgo · Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 2:14 am Post subject:

Didn't Superman die a few years ago?

Yay for continuity!

PS - Super strength is not to be underestimated. Whaddya gonna do, incinerate Solomon Grundy's rags?
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"The Master would not approve..."

anonymous_coward · Joined: 24 Oct 2007 Posts: 564

i like batman, he's the only superhero without any special powers, besides money. now that's realism

Coppy · Joined: 28 Oct 2007 Posts: 2615 Location: Chambersburg

I never understood how the people at the Daily Planet and such, all over Metropolis in fact, could possibly be so dumb. So Clark Kent takes off his glasses, puts on tights, makes his hair curly and all of a sudden his identity's a complete mystery? *** Lois, you're making out with the same dude and you don't even have a clue.

Apparently it was the 1970's in space too.

Doctor Kird Ape · Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 12:12 pm Post subject:

At one point it was explained that Clark wears hypnotic glasses. Yeah right.

This is the situation (very much like Batman, which I should explain in another thread).

You see, if you had some alien disguised as a human doing all sorts of good deeds, you all would play along too. Obviously he wants to pretend to be a "mild mannered" reporter. I know a few reporters and the "mild mannered" ones stick out like thumbs. Clark subconsciously chose the most obvious way to say something is wrong here.
So he sticks himself in the middle of the most successful newspaper, in the largest US city. Its like he is giving the middle finger to all of the other reporters. "Gee, I am the only one that can get great interviews with Superman...I'm so humble...I lived on a farm and pet cats too hard...." They all know who he is, but they play along so he doesn't leave. I think everyone else would too.
Would you want to be the one who got blamed for driving away the one person who can stop the likes of Toyman.
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The Anti-Life Equation= Loneliness + Alienation + Fear + Despair + Self-worth / Mockery / Condemnation / Misunderstanding x Guiltx Shame x Failure x Judgment; N=Y Where Y=Hope and N=Folly, Love = Lies, Life = Death, Self = Dark Side